Of Crystalized Pineapples and Broken Hearts
by Moony8193
Summary: In which Lily and James break up, James sings a country song, Sirius is random, and Professor Slughorn is obsessed with Crystalized Pineapple. Challenge fic. R&R!


_A/N: This was written in response to a challenge issued by 100 percent Harry Potter obsessed. It makes absolutely no sense, so, um, yeah, just keep that in mind. Happy reading! Oh, by the way, if this really frightens you, especially the ending, don't worry. It tends to happen a lot..._

_Disclaimer: Sad thing is, none of it is mine. The characters aren't, and even the plot kind of isn't, because it was written for a challenge. Oh, well. Oh, hey! Allison and Marie are mine. AND YOU CAN'T TAKE THEM! Ok, I'm a little hyper now._

_Challenge Rules:_

**1.) It MUST be Lily/James. **

**2.) Lily must be angry with James for some reason. No "I hate you" stuff. **

**3.) Lily and James must have recently broken up.**

**4.) Sirius, Remus, Peter, and some of Lily's friends are expected to be included. They may or may not help solve the fight. **

**5.) Sirius must be as random as ever. **

**6.) (Here's a tough one) Try...no swearing/cursing. Dun, dun, dun!**

**7.) The following words must be included in the story: **

-**Giant Squid **

**-Twitch (must be used frequently) **

**-"And the grand total shall be..." **

**-Bunny **

**8.) Professor Slughorn must show up every so often and offer everyone Crystalized Pineapple. **

**9.) Remus shall let go of his Bookworm-ish ways. **

**10.) Peter must actually say something. **

**11.) Can be set at anytime during Marauder's Hogwarts days. (No time travel!) **

**12.) Must be a one-shot. **

**13.) James must stand on a table top and belt out a Country song.**

**14.) Must take place at Hogwarts.**

**15.) Must end in the strangest possible way you can think of.**

**----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

_Flashback _

" _Fine. We're over!" an irate Lily yelled at James. " If you can't trust me to tell me where you go every month, then how do I know you're not cheating on me? I don't trust you! I'm out!"_

_And with that, Lily had stormed out of the common room._

_James just hung his head. He loved Lily, he knew he did. But Remus had told him never to tell his secret- and he couldn't betray Remus' trust. So he had to stand and watch as the only girl he had loved, and will ever love, walked out of his life. Forever._

_End Flashback_

A few days later, Sirius, Remus, Peter and James were sitting at their table in the Great Hall, eating breakfast. Remus was reading a book, while Peter was staring into space. James looked desperate and tired, and Sirius was examining his elbow.

" Hey guys," Sirius announced. " Did you ever realize that elbows look like brains?"

Everyone just stared at him." What? They do!" Sirius defended himself. "They're all wrinkly and funny looking."

" Okay, then," Peter replied, beginning to examine his elbow too.

Remus was too engrossed in his book to even dignify this conversation with a response, and James was too depressed.

" Oh, come on, Prongs," Sirius said. " It's been like three days, and I don't know how you expect to get over her if you can't even tell us why you broke up."

Glancing at Remus, James began to twitch. He didn't want to make Remus feel bad, because everyone knew how much he loved Lily.

" Eh, Prongs?" Peter questioned. " Why are you twitching?"

James just gave him a glare and stormed out of the hall. Just before he left the Hall, Professor Slughorn stopped him and offered him Crystalized Pineapple, saying that James looked like he needed it.

Turning to the remaining Marauders, Peter said," So, who wants to make a bet as to when Lily and James get back together, considering they're both miserable alone?"

" I will! And Remus will too- we'll tell him when he finally lets go of his bookwormish ways." Sirius declared.

" Okay, fine." Peter shrugged.

" Let's see, I say two days. I'll pay a Knut for every day I'm off by." Sirius offered.

" I say three days then, and I'll also pay a Knut for every day I'm off by. Remus is betting four days." Peter agreed.

" I'm what?" Remus questioned, finally coming out of his reverie.

" We can't tell you, we can't tell you," Peter and Sirius sung simultaneously.

"What?" said Remus with a raised eyebrow.

" We'll tell you what we're up to when you finally stop being such a bookworm," Sirius replied.

" NO! Don't take my precious, precious books away from me! That's just wrong! I can't live without them!" Remus said melodramatically.

" Actually, you could. You only technically need to fulfill the six basic life processes to survive," Peter said.

Sirius laughed as Remus scowled.

" I'd rather marry the Giant Squid or transfigure myself into a bunny than give up my books," Remus replied, already twitching at the thought of leaving his books behind.

Meanwhile, Lily was sitting at the other end of the table with her two best friends, Allison and Marie. She, just like James, was being very silent.

Neither of them knew what to say to her, as they understood her reasons for breaking up with James but thought that she should have given him more of a chance to explain.

All was very quiet at their end of the table until Professor Slughorn arrived at their end of the table and offered them Crystalized Pineapple. Lily accepted, but Allison and Marie just ignored him. Only Lily seemed to like Professor Slughorn.

Later that day, everyone was in lessons. Lily and James were seated next to each other in Transfiguration, as that was the only class they had with each other, and when they were a couple they liked to sit together. Now that they were apart, all either one of them could think about was getting out of the classroom. James' hands were still twitching, as he was nervous being around Lily. Lily, on the other hand, simply turned a horrible shade of red whenever James looked her way. Both of their friends noticed this with somewhat amused glances.

As they left the classroom, they bumped into each other. James handed Lily a note and then ran away as fast as he could.

The note read: _Meet me for dinner in the Great Hall tonight where we used to sit._

_-James_

Lily considered this for a moment, and then threw the note away. She didn't want to be near him, and certainly didn't want to eat with him. With a haughty toss of her head, she walked towards the Common Room.

Having had enough of not knowing what happened, the Marauders decided to follow her. On the count of three, they leaped on her and dragged her into a room. Unfortunately, Professor Slughorn currently occupied that room. " Want some Crystalized Pineapple?" he cried. Shaking their heads and giving him weird looks, they dragged Lily into another room.

Lily was twitching with anticipation by now. " What do you want?" she yelled, fighting them off.

" We want to know what happened with you and James!" Sirius responded, Remus and Peter nodding their heads alongside him.

" What happened is that your oh so lovely best friend decides to disappear every month and refuses to tell me where he goes! If he's going to do that, I don't trust him, and since he can't tell me, he obviously doesn't trust me either! Happy?" Lily said, storming out of the room in a rage.

Remus looked shocked. " We have to talk to Prongs," he said.

As they walked down the corridor, Remus turned to his friends. " So, are you going to tell me now what you couldn't tell me this morning?"

" Well, since I haven't seen you read in almost seven hours, and since that's a record, I suppose we can," Sirius said.

However, just then, something fell out of Remus' pocket. Remus flung himself on the floor, in a desperate attempt to hide it from his friends.

Sirius and Peter dragged him off of it, and discovered it was a book.

"Liar!" Sirius yelled, pointing his finger accusingly. " We're not telling you."

With a disgruntled look on his face, Remus kept walking. Sirius and Peter both followed, and they soon found James.

After a long talk, Remus told him that he could tell Lily if he needed to. James lit up at this news, and since it was time for dinner, he raced of to the Great Hall.

About halfway through dinner, James got on top of the table.

" Ladies and gentlemen, esteemed friends, I am going to entertain you with a lovely song tonight. This is dedicated to the one and only Lily Evans, who I love with all my heart. I can explain myself!" he declared.

And with that proclamation, and several strange looks from people, he began to belt out a country song called " Written in the Stars," by Elton John and LeAnn Rimes.

I am here to tell you we can never meet again  
Simple really, isn't it? A word or two and then  
A lifetime of not knowing where or how or why or when  
You think of me or speak of me or wonder what befell  
The someone you once loved so long ago, so well

Never wonder what I'll feel as living shuffles by  
You don't have to ask me and I need not reply  
Every moment of my life from now until I die  
I will think or dream of you and fail to understand  
How a perfect love can be confounded out of hand

Is it written in the stars?  
Are we paying for some crime?  
Is that all that we are good for  
Just a stretch of mortal time?  
Is this god's experiment  
In which we have no say?  
In which we're given paradise  
But only for a day

Nothing can be altered, there is nothing to decide  
No escape, no change of heart, nor any place to hide  
You are all I'll ever want but this I am denied  
Sometimes in my darkest thoughts I wish I'd never learned  
What is to be in love and have that love returned

Lily jumped up on the table with him and James whispered something in her ear. With a completely shocked expression, she said something back. He nodded, and she looked at Remus for confirmation. He also nodded, and Lily kissed James right then and there.

Sirius and Peter gasped as they both realized they'd lost the bet. They finally told Remus about the amount of money he'd lost, especially since they realized the book that had fallen out of his pocket was a diary. Of course, they mocked him mercilessly for that, but since he was twitching with embarrassment, they didn't tease him anymore. Not to his face, anyway.

After adding up the amount of money they owed, Peter announced, " And the grand total shall be two Knuts for Sirius, three for me, and three for Remus, though it should have been four. I knocked one off for the fact that he didn't know the bet had happened and therefore couldn't reasonably place a guess."

The whole hall was laughing and clapping that Lily and James were back together- with one notable absence: Professor Dumbledore.

A trolley suddenly crashed through the wall, being ridden by none other than Dumbledore himself! As everyone cowered under tables, James whispered to Lily, " At least we have each other!"

She smiled back, as amid the rubble, Professor Slughorn popped up. " Anyone want some crystalized pineapple?"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Reviews are lovely. Please and thank you.

-Kristen


End file.
